Somnia Memorias

Leave

Melissa — Thu, 16 May 2013 15:20:54 +0000

What bothers you is you feel okay in spite of you should not.

Then you’re totally not okay.

And then there’s that moment where you’re just so fed up, ended up acting selfish, pack your belongings and leave.

Be it temporary, lifelong, you just don’t want to decide.

Whether everything will be just the same when you return, or completely different, that’s not the problem.

The important thing is to leave.

Not the comeback part.

Rant.

Melissa — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:03:55 +0000

“Shoot to the moon and hit the stars” is totally lame.

Don’t make goals you can’t reach.

Don’t learn if you’re not totally interested.

Don’t love if you’re not willing to love that person when he/she can’t walk anymore.

Don’t act rich if you have no time to do things you enjoy the most.

Make up your decision, live up to it, no excuses.

Don’t cap yourself. Your life doesn’t have a ‘cap’. It’s a stupid excuse.

And no, you don’t have any breaking point.

I live by the “all or none” and “fight or flight” standard.

I hate grey zone.

Even Yoda approved, do or do not, there is no try.

My currency is not money, it’s time.

Ngga Mau Besok

Melissa — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 18:43:21 +0000

Ngga mau tidur.

Takut mimpi dia.

Kalo tidur, harus bangun.

Kalo bangun, dia pasti muncul sebelum gw buka mata.

Ngga mau besok.

Ngapain ngalamin hari dengan success rate 100% sakit hati?

Enterpreneur?

Melissa — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 07:03:43 +0000

Being in-training for a relatively new field of work, the lecturers always ask us “what do you want to do after graduation?” Some of us said that they’ll work at the airlines or going back to their old institution.

Well, the lecturers told us not only to hone our skill on medicine, but also our business intuition. In fact, our Head Program directly said that we have to become enterpreneurs LOL

As medical professionals, it’s hard for us to purely work as business people. But yes, there are some business area that can be done without being unethical. Moreover, our field is still new, and we are the ones who are qualified to create a “work field” about our background, so it’s completely possible to create new business.

Of course, medical professional’s business is not strictly related about medical. I have many friends succeeded at opening a cafe, selling cakes, baby clothes, etc. Some of them also went to trading business. Well, I have zero knowledge about it, but my friends said that it’s fun trying new things aside from medical job routine.

Business and trading information are scattered all around internet, so I can find a good resource about business. I stumbled upon tim trading challenge from tim sykes, and it’s good for inexperienced people.. like me. Haha XD

New Quarter

Melissa — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 05:56:51 +0000

The exam week has ended, and thankfully I’m doing quite well hahaha…

New quarter has come, more all-new lessons and all of them interesting. So I should keep my spirits high even though I’m kinda tired with the assigments :(

I hope this quarter won’t be that difficult, because when I saw the curriculum, the hardest part will be the second year, I think I should prepare myself before entering the third semester. It’s full of clinical and diagnostics thing, and of course it’s really applicable, but it will require Monday to Friday full time in a week instead of Monday to Wednesday like this semester.

Anyway, me and the whole class are preparing for the cardiovascular block, especially for the electrocardiogram part. Sure, I know the emergency ones, but since my field is preventive medicine, I need to know every kind of suspicious pathological sign in a healthy person, so I really need to study it well.

We were thinking about doing group study, but without a tutor maybe it’s quite hard. I think we will need to study by ourselves first, and then discuss everything we don’t understand.

I miss the days of high school when we can hire tutors for our study hahaha…. Moreover, nowadays we can find tutors online, click here for example. Back then, finding a good tutor depends on our own networking :)

I think I should create new schedule for this quarter and also for the new upcoming semester.

Walls

Melissa — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 17:00:35 +0000

And now, the bricks were built automatically.

Finally, they learn how to protect themselves. How to lessen the damage. How to stay focused and not being fooled by false alarms.

I don’t need to dirty my hands with those sand and cement, torture my muscles by lining them up one by one, destroying my mind by thinking the ways to make the fortress impregnable.

So, when the waves of erroneous thought and delusion attack, I still have the energy to rebuild everything.

This time, it’s in a full defense mode.

I need extra shield, guard and safety, because this one’s smart and play it tricks brilliantly.

But I know I will win. Whatever the outcome might be, in the end, I still win.

I’m sure of that.

Stuck In Front of the Computer

Melissa — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 16:06:35 +0000

Recently, I’ve been working all day long in front of my computer. You know, stuff like sudden assignments and never-ending data analysis… what else do you except a graduate student would do? Hahaha…

But of course, computer is a mjor distraction. With the internet, I can easily browse random stuff and completely forgot about the assignment. In the end, I tend to proscrastinate LOL

Sometimes I use my computer for playing games too. From heavy games to casual games, I love it all! Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to play games anymore :( I miss those days when I can play RPG for hours on school holiday hahaha… Maybe I can still play, but I don’t like the feeling of being disrupted by another things while playing, so I’d rather choose not to play games at all.

Anyway, now there are many casual games that doesn’t require much time to complete, so it’s perfect to ease my mind a little bit XD

After browsing social media stuff, and GIFs, and YouTube, and… okay, I’m easily distracted hahaha.. I saw this tmnt games!

Ah, how I missed my childhood, sitting in front of the TV watching Michaelangelo and his fellow teenage mutant ninja turtles…

Kaaangen.

Melissa — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:21:03 +0000

Inspired from a friend, so this one’s for her :)

—

Aku kangen kamu, sampai leherku nyaris patah, tak kuat lagi menyangga logika penangkal hadirmu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai mataku nyaris kempis, tak mampu lagi menghisap bayangmu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai kepalaku nyaris putus, tak dapat lagi mencitrakan imajimu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai lidahku mati rasa; mengujar, mengucap, mengelu, meronta; terkepung di antara barisan aksara pembentuk namamu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai hidungku nyaris buntu, tersesat mencari aroma ragamu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai tangan kakiku nyaris lumpuh, tak mau berteduh dan terus memburu rengkuhmu.

Aku kangen kamu, sampai jantung hatiku membengkak lalu meledak, menancapkan serpihan rindu di sekujur tubuhku.

Thesis Proposal Exam: The Preview

Melissa — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:38:13 +0000

Today is supposed to be a day off. But I need to go to school because I need to attend my seniors’ thesis proposal exam. The whole exam was crazy hahaha… There were so many killer questions.

The examiners didn’t ask about background theory, but rather about the research methodology. Aerospace medicine research is still rare here, so maybe finding the subjects is quite hard and it will affect the sample.

Well, maybe the examiners will ask questions about the background theory on the final thesis exam 3 months later. I was kinda nervous hahaha.. 2 years later I will be in the same position like my seniors.

I was thinking about the background theory for my thesis. Since the whole knowledge is still relatively new, the information is not as abundant as other clinical major. Maybe I should do a part-time work and tutoring med school students about aerophysiology to promote this major LOL

Come to think of it, there are no special tutor for entering or during medical school here hahaha.. I don’t know about other places in the world, though. But I think we can search for private tutors on internet too, like in TutorSpree, the website will help you to find a suitable private tutor near your area :)

Words Can Be Very Abusive

Melissa — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:02:08 +0000

I never open my personal real feelings before in this blog, but I don’t know, this time I just feel like it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been dealing with some emotionally and verbally abusive people since a long time ago, and the numbers seemed to increase. Some are close people, some are acquaintances.

Anyway, this is not a chronological post about why, who, when, what and where of the source of my hurt. This is more like a summary of abusive cases I’ve been receiving so far.

This is also not about what is the real meaning behind such abusive words, whether I misunderstood the true intention or the literal meaning.

And this is also not about failing to understand why such abusive words had been said to me.

But this post is about how it affects my way of thinking and, the most important part, my feelings after receiving those abusive words.

First thing is, abusive words will make you feel discouraged and worthless.

Saying rude, impolite, insolent, demoralizing words can make someone feels like he/she is the lowest life form ever existed that can lead into depression.

Second, you will put up some unconscious defense and reject everything because feeling discouraged and worthless bring terrible pain.

Third, it will seep into your mind mercilessly and your brain starts to confirm those abusive words.

Fourth, the most dangerous part, is where you judge yourself.

You can either validate that “yes, you are worthless” or “no, I’m not like that”.

You may even begun to believe that you’re the one with problems. That you deserved to be treated like that. You might even think that “if only I’m a better person”, “if only I can be what he/she wants me to be”, “if only I can do things exactly the way he/she wants me to do”, you wouldn’t make him/her upset.

You will think that people need to have more respect to others before saying things like that.

They need to be more selfless to relate to other people’s feelings before throwing abusive words.

They have to understand that if someone weren’t thinking the way they think, doesn’t mean that person is wrong.

There are no wrong nor right about opinion. Opinion can only be different.

It is an opinion, a way of thinking, not the truth. Not the real fact.

They just need to have a bigger understanding of the wonderful thing called patience, and also the perfect term of “agree to disagree”.

They need know about open-mindedness.

You can’t force people to have the same thought of you.

You can’t feel superior and look down upon people who think different than you.

You can’t judge people just because they didn’t think in the same way that you do.

You can’t expect people to be like you or like anyone else who share the same thoughts like you.

Why?

Because there are always two side of things in this world.

And humans are designed to adapt to other people and to their environment, or they will simply die because they can’t survive.

And reality is just the matter of “fit in”. Sure, we need to adapt and “fit in”, but people can choose where and to what extent they want to “fit in”.

There are always another ways to survive other than just “fit in” to other people’s expectation, to live by their standard, and doing things because they set your mind into certain “reality”. That is not adaptation, and surely a hard way to survive.

Being independent and seeing things through many other possibilities different from the current reality is one of the way to adapt, to survive.

Stuck in the current reality is of course part of surviving, but you need to confirm it on regular basis.

Is this reality true? Should I adapt more?

Adaptation is a dynamic process. There is not just “one” solid reality to confront.

Why?

Because spontaneous mutations exist.

Because anomalies exist.

Your already comfort, proven-to-be-true reality will always be challenged by something else.

That is the fact.

There will always something that shake your understanding, confront your thoughts and it will irritate you and leaves you uncomfortable.

And the easiest way to get away with it is, of course, choosing to stay with people who share the same thoughts like you and living in the environment that suits you well.

Some people say it’s the best way to live, and some say it’s just an escape and hiding yourself from the big, bad world.

In the end, people shouldn’t be afraid of things that are different from their thoughts.

Adapt, or you won’t survive.

Being the curious-as-ever person, it leads me to another thought: “why they say such words?”

Is it because they hate me?

But why they hate me? Did I hurt them? I don’t think so.

Is it because something I did wrong?

But who can decide who’s wrong and who’s right?

For me I’m not wrong, for them they’re not wrong.

So why say such hurting words if nobody’s wrong?

Then, difference can kill.

Why can people say such abusive words?

I suppose they must be got hurt so bad so they can hurt people like that.

Maybe they feel so insecure and need to control things because they’re afraid.

They need to be superior because if they don’t, they will lose everything.

So what should I do?

Since these abusive people around me has higher authority than me, I can do nothing. All I can do is to accept their apologies.

And I don’t do revenge. That’s not my style.

Since I know what caused it, things started to get better. And hopefully it will end soon.